went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
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i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
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my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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