My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize