he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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