Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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