My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
