I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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