So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
