i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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