What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
