oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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