Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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