You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
