hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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