I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
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i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..