dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
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im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
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Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed