May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.