I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have aggressive nipples.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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