Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine