my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
In America we eat man semen.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.