I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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