what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
