Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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