Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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