My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
