oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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