Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
