Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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