sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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