you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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