Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize