I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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