I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
