Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
