last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
