Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
