This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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