it wasn't lemon gatorade
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
