i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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