they need to just BURY HIM!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
