Quick, to the slutcave!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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