I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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