I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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