woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
