I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
