apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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