Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
