I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
