i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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