Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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