Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
