when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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