Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
