I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
