I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize