I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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