I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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