I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she told me i tasted like america
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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