where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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