see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
