You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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