I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
