The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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