U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
